Clamoring to Become Visible

WordPress flogs Blogger

2006-03-02T22:58:00.000-06:00

So I was just toying with creating another WordPress blog over at blendor.com (http://www.blendor.com/ali to be exact). I tried out the (excellent) blogger import tool built into WordPress, but it seems that it spitefully mangled my blogger blog. I can't really blame it. A piece of software so vastly superior shouldn't idly allow the existence of such an obviously inferior product; it should eviscerate it. And obviously it has. So consider this my impromptu and unexpected announcement of my new blog address. Once again: http://www.blendor.com/ali Cheers. Edit: I should clarify that I will no longer be posting here. I apologize for all the blog-hopping I've done in the last few months. This blog was initially supposed to be temporary, became permanent, and then I got really sick of Blogger being crappy. Anyone else who's sick of Blogger, let me know if you want your own WordPress blog at blendor.com/yournamehere (or yournamehere.blendor.com). It's totally easy for me to set up, and even easier for you to administer. It's also totally easy to import all your Blogger posts with comments intact, but as you can see here, your template may be devoured.

ColLABoration

2006-02-28T21:12:00.000-06:00

The grad student in our lab, Josh, took me over to ETC today to discuss possible collaborration between our neuro lab and another professor's engineering lab. It looks to be a pretty mutually beneficial arrangement, and it's pretty exciting. On the one hand, they're engineering researchers with an interest in neuro regeneration (working with C. elegans), and on the other, we're neuroscience folks with an interest in their experiments and amazing equipment. Their lab was decked out with all sorts of femtosecond lasers (able to cut 0.5 microns a pulse; a major improvement over the clumsy, sharpened-glass pipette that we use for transections), with mirrors strategically placed all over the huge vibration table. They've also got a two-photon microscope that will be a huge improvement over our ancient scope. They also seem really friendly and eager to work together, so I'm looking forward to doing some more tissue culture as well as the surgeries I've already been training to do.

Pink-orange

2006-02-28T03:25:00.000-06:00

I pulled my car over earlier to scribble this down. It may be the ramblings of sleep deprivation, and it may be terrible. But I haven't written any poetry in a long time, and I hope this means I have started again. I am the neglected East Side the strip-mall-neon crackling through my veins the screeching-tire track-marks I am rolling hills and city views obscured by demented industry seen by sunken shifty eyes On your drive home I am the screaming, shrinking reminder of how good your life is.

Sigur Ros

2006-02-26T15:57:00.000-06:00

I'm seeing them tonight. You should be, too.

It's not exactly sliced bread...

2006-02-26T03:02:00.000-06:00

I think I may have invented something. I mentioned before that I'm working in my neuro prof's lab, where we are studying nerve regeneration utilizing polyethylene glycol for rapid fusion of crushed axons (sciatic nerves in rats). Exposing and crushing the nerve is no problem, but applying the electrodes and taking the readings is problematic. The way they've been doing it, the stimulating electrode is applied to the proximal end of the nerve (closer to the body), and the recording electrode is applied to the distal end (closer to the foot), with the electrodes pressed on top of the nerve and making incidental contact with the muscle and connective tissue below and surrounding the nerve. The stimulating electrode sends a little shock down the nerve, and the recording electrode reads the magnitude of signal produced. Because the extraneous tissue conducts electricity, often interfering signals will appear on the oscilloscope obscuring the nice, smooth action potential curve; the electrodes also often do not make consistent or sufficient surface area contact with the nerve to produce a readable signal. So these were some things I noticed in the last couple of weeks of observations. I asked my professor if there were any better setups for the electrodes that he was aware of - not to his (extensive) knowledge. I had some initial ideas for how to solve the above problems, but I couldn't quite decide on the material to use. So I stopped by the local toy shop for some ideas. I ran across something quite absurd that might actually work. To my surprise, when I ran the idea past my professor, he thought it was excellent. So now I get to go toy shopping for lab next week. I hope my idea works!

Fog

2006-02-23T11:11:00.000-06:00

It was very foggy on my drive home, and I had the strange feeling that I was traveling through something, rather than on or in or to something. It was a moment of clarity in which I was reminded that through is always really the appropriate preposition. I am reminded of this again as I watch the Nova episode, "The Ghost Particle." According to the show, a hundred trillion neutrinos pass through us every second. I have a passing familiarity with the particles, as they were my last physics professor's research subject. They mathematically must have existed, due to the laws of thermodynamics, but they were never seen. Only traces can be seen in shockwaves that occur when neutrinos scatter electrons, either in giant, underground tanks or now in a more natural environment. Either way, to say we're swimming in a giant tank of particles doesn't do justice to the fact that we're swimming through those particles. The universe is very foggy.

Practice MCAT

2006-02-20T13:01:00.000-06:00

So I took a full-length practice exam this past Saturday. I'm very pleased that I improved in all categories from the original diagnostic I took in January. I hope the trend continues.

Dentistry Considered

2006-02-14T17:33:00.000-06:00

Before my trip to Guatemala, I had never really seriously considered dentistry as a career option. Dr. Wayne had a good influence on me, though, and I'm now considering it very seriously. An interesting avenue just presented itself in the form of oral/maxillofacial surgery (via my mom, who apparently likes to discuss my potential career with her Medical Director coworker). According to my mom, paraphrasing her coworker, "you will make 1.5 M a year and you will be doing "God's work"...you would be recontructing people who have been in auto accidents, and would have long term relationships with patients who are very appreciative." Ha... my mom's way of summing things up (read: bluntness) is so funny. I'm pretty sure that description's not in the brochure. Although the money's not a factor for me, dentistry in general is an attractive option simply because, practically, it offers the thing about family medicine I desire - patient relationships - and less of the insurance/compensation headache. After working with Wayne in Guatemala, I've come to realize there's much more medicine involved in dentistry than I had previously thought. When Wayne initially told me to consider dentistry, I mostly dismissed the idea. I thought that it would lack the problem-solving of medicine; I was proven wrong. I also enjoy the technical aspects of surgery, and so a residency program in OMS would allow me to practice that (from what I understand, in much less time than a surgical specialty in medicine). It's something to think about, at least. I'll probably take the DAT sometime after the MCAT. It seems the material overlaps a bit, and it's only 4.25 hours, instead of 8. It's strange to imagine myself as a toddler, telling my mom I wanted to be a dentist. It was the first profession in which I expressed interest, and my mom tells me she shifted my attention elsewhere because she had heard about their high suicide rates. I find that whole situation really funny. What kind of kid says he wants to be dentist? Man, I'm weird.

2/1/2006

2006-02-11T18:09:00.000-06:00

This is the eleventh and final part in my Guatemalan series. Click here for parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. At the beginning of this journal, I expressed the hope that Glory would somehow prove an appropriate book for this trip. I just re-read the paragraph my "Roads Less Traveled" bookmark rested upon ("Roads Less Traveled" is a book by Cath, Mary Anne's travel journalist friend who joined our group for a while; she also is an award-winning photographer, and I was surprised and flattered when she told me some of my photos were publishable; I may yet take her up on the suggestion I contact my local paper). In this paragraph, I seem to have uncovered a deeper thread tying one of the themes of my trip to a central theme of the book:

"I know, I know," said the Frenchman wearily. "You, les Anglais, are fond of wagers, of records" (his "records" sounded like a drowsy growl). "Who wants a bare rock in the sky? Or - good Lord, how sleepy one gets on a train! - or icebergs or whatever one calls them - or, indeed, the North Pole? Or these marshes where one perishes from malaria?" "Yes, you may have put your finger on it. And yet even that, even le sport, is not all. There are besides - how shall I say? - glory, love, tenderness for the soil, a thousand rather mysterious feelings." (pp 155-156)

Oh, what marvelous and malevolent deeds are done in the name of Glory! We in the New World live in a distant ripple of that long-ago plunge for glory, and it is only more obvious when one visits the more turbulent epicenter. This concludes my transcription of the writing in my journal. I would like to conclude by saying that I feel incredibly fortunate to have traveled to Guatemala and experienced the satisfaction of helping those in need and the camaraderie of a truly outstanding group of volunteers. It was like we had all known each other for years; we would stay up chatting and laughing for hours after dinner every night. I will miss those nights. I hope to stay in touch as much as possible, and I can't wait to go again.

1/29/2006

2006-02-11T18:05:00.000-06:00

This is the tenth part in my Guatemalan series. Click here for parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9. I just noticed the carving on the back of an antique Spanish chair in our hotel. In our last few minutes here, I wish we had more time so that I could soak in all the little details.

1/28/2006

2006-02-11T18:03:00.000-06:00

This is the ninth part in my Guatemalan series. Click here for parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. I just came home from the Hard Rock Cafe imitation in Panajachel, with the Danes (Michael, a pre-med, and Sara), and then the inebriated Brits out in the street after closing time, and I opened the patio to let the breeze from the lake pour into my room. I stepped outside, and as I looked up to admire the new moon and more stars than I've ever seen in a sky, a shooting star briefly burned itself out. - - We're now approaching Antigua, once the Spanish capital for all of their New World. How hard it is to imagine the first Spaniards to visit this strange place, wild and undiscovered, and then to build streets and buildings, to - for better or worse - teach the native people their language, their religion. I wonder if they could have imagined the lasting legacy they established, to which this city still stands testament. - - I think my room is haunted. I also think it used to be a closet. Just handling the heavy, enormous, wrought-iron skeleton key bestows upon the user a heady sense of history. The mind conjurs the original owners and invites them to wreak havoc with the imagination in a dark, cramped, hundreds-of-years-old room. - - Antigua's central plaza at night is heart-breakingly romantic for a lone wanderer. The water splashes in the fountains, lights are strung throughout the trees, and the whole scene of cuddling couples and strolling families is backlit by the glowing church to the east. I find it hard to imagine that just a few years ago this peaceful square would have been, at this late hour, a dark, threatening and dangerous place.

1/27/2006

2006-02-10T22:47:00.000-06:00

This is the eighth part in my Guatemalan series. Click here for parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7. Left to right: Unknown, Elena, Kaylea, Rosa. I bought Ana's little sister, Rosa, a pair of shoes last night. Best 20-something bucks I've ever spent. What a joy it was to provide such a simple but so-appreciated necessity. Both sisters have a prominent upper canine on one side (a sort of "fang" I had braces to correct), and so they tend to hide their smiles, which is a terrible shame since their faces light up so brilliantly when they smile. I made sure to tell them both not to hide their smiles, and I hope I helped lend a little confidence to the girls. There was an awkward silence when I asked Ana what she wanted to be, and she answered "nothing" and looked a little embarassed. I hope with time and a little more confidence that answer changes; she is certainly capable of more than "nothing." Dave and wife Jamie. - -Lake Atitlan, 4200ft This place is gorgeous. The hotel is so much better than I could have hoped for - there is a breathtaking view from my room of the lake and volcanoes. The hammocks in the garden make me imagine this would be a place Hemingway would stay and write. Our guides name the volcanoes as we speed towards them in our little boat. Toliman, the most imposing of the three, seems to have an impressive foothold on the biggest group of clouds in this bright blue sky. The spray from the crystal clear lake is flirting with this very page. The rest of the sky rolls past the volcanoes clinging to the clouds as if the earth is slowly climbing across the sky. Or maybe if these mountains loosened their grip on the heavens, the earth would spin out of control. We spent some time in one of the villages (Santiago) across the lake. Dave and I discovered a wonderful old mission church at the top of the hill. There was a memorial to a priest from Oklahoma, to which is bound a tragic and inspiring story. The recent hurricanes had devastated part of Panajachel (the town we stayed in on Lake Atitlan) due to mud slides. Though the mud slides had destroyed the water treatment plant, and raw sewage was now spilling into this part of the lake, many locals still did most of their morning washing in the lake.

1/26/2006

2006-02-10T19:54:00.000-06:00

This is the seventh part in my Guatemalan series. Click here for parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. Today was a half day, and the last day we work. This week has flown by. I worked dental again today, where I could be more useful, but since we were all in one big room, the other docs could call me over to observe interesting cases - one woman with advanced shingles (herpes zoster), and a man with chronic pulmonary disease who presented with clubbing of the fingers. I was able to recognize the same symptoms in another man who sat down for dental, and Kerbey confirmed it. Unfortunately not much could be done at our little makeshift clinic, but it felt good to help diagnose. I've just said goodbye to the three giggleboxes - Carmen, Anamaria and Christina (pictured left to right above). They got such a kick out of calling out my name, which apparently means "little maiden" in Quiche. - - I just met Rosa and Elena; Rosa is Anamaria's little sister. Rosa is 14 and Ana is 16, which is hard to believe, given that Rosa looks more like 10. Elena has a pair of brand new shoes from Mary Ann (the lawyer from Minnesota with us). Next time:

Stable again

2006-02-09T11:28:00.000-06:00

I don't know what happened, but my blog started crashing browsers. I assume it was a script that was running out of control, but I couldn't locate the problem (I hadn't made any changes recently), so I just recopied the template. Everything seems to be fine now, but I'm sorry if I caused any problems.

1/25/2006

2006-02-08T15:31:00.000-06:00

This is the sixth part in my Guatemalan series. Click here for parts 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. Note: I spent this day in the company of the ER doc, Kerbey and his interpreter / significant other, Martha, while they saw patients on the medical side. It was a bit of a change from being in dental - less hectic and more cerebral, and slightly more frustrating since we could only offer limited primary care. Kerbey holding one of his more affectionate young patients. Pretty heartbreaking, that family we just saw. I'm in the small shack-turned-examining room with Kerbey and Martha. The family's tiny 18-month-old presented with failure to thrive, a hernia, and very likely a ventricular septal defect (I was proud to have guessed the correct diagnosis due to the baby's underdevelopment and almost blueish color, owing mostly to the book I've been reading; though admittedly it was a lucky guess) with possible mental retardation (his growth plates still remained widely separated) - oh, and a dysplastic hip. Kerbey didn't give him more than five years, since there's practically no way for this family to get him the surgeries he requires. They can barely get him the nutrition he requires. It's upsetting to think how this baby's life would have taken a much different course in a more wealthy nation. Anabela, pictured with Peggy above. Martha is considering sponsoring one of the children in this village, Anabela, who is exceptionally bright, confident and good-natured, not to mention curious and helpful. She is 11 and in the 3rd grade, but obviously should be accelerated. She is bored with curriculum far beneath her level ("and what color is this?" they are trying to teach her) and so has been held back; how wonderful it would be if Martha could make that kind of change in her life. Left to right: Peggy, Anabela, Martha, Erin, Kerbey, me. Steve having a gobble-off with a turkey; the old Mayan farmer behind me was laughing harder than anyone. Next time:

1/24/2006

2006-02-07T17:51:00.000-06:00

This is the fifth part in my Guatemalan series. Click here for parts 1, 2, 3 and 4. The buildings look as though they've been snacked on by mortar-hungry monsters. - - Wayne is trying to make me a dentist. I may be doing some procedures today. Me pulling teeth from some poor guy's head. He's looking at me like "are you sure you're qualified to do this?" - - [On the bumpy bus ride home in the jump seat next to the door, feeling like I might topple over backwards]: I pulled six teeth today. One upper incisor (gold), three more upper incisors (twist-twist), and then there was one gentleman with badly decayed teeth who needed an upper right molar and lower left bicuspid removed (tilt-sway-figure-8). Pretty tough, those last two. That gentleman actually came back later complaining of something stuck in the upper right socket, and I felt pretty ashamed that I had left part of a tooth, until Wayne examined him and clipped part of the bone that was bothering him. With more experience, I should be able to recognize and address such issues initially, but I was relieved I hadn't done the procedure incompletely. The children today were particularly adorable. They watched us from outside the classroom window and played peek-a-boo when they spotted my camera. It became a bit of a game between us when I would find a spare moment in the examining room; they would try to duck, giggling, as I threatened them with photos. It may have been the gifts we distributed at the end of the day, but the usually bashful children really opened up. Not only were they letting me take pictures of them, but they began demanding I take more of that one there, or these two together, or us three - especially once they discovered the LCD panel on my camera. I had to pull myself away to get on the van in which I now travel (a hot shower and a good scrubbing sound perfect right now). Although the children spoke mostly only Quiche and I only broken Spanish, we were able to communicate with universal face and hand gestures. I can't wait to get these photos uploaded. - - [At the fancy hotel up the road with the two courtyards and sleeping parrots]: I just saw a cow go by in the back of a small Toyota pickup. Next time:

1/23/2006

2006-02-06T00:48:00.000-06:00

This is the fourth part in my Guatemalan series. Click here for parts 1, 2 and 3.

The thought just occurred to me: what a miracle it is I was made. Seeing these people in the high mountains of Guatemala (who must look similar to the countless generations who came before them in this very place), I'm compelled to wonder at my own ancestral wanderings - the seemingly happenstance diversity I must exhibit in my foreign countenance.

This was the view from the bathroom at the top of the mountain.

Carmen (interpreter) and baby.

--

To rinse: "enjuage"
A word I thought was important to know, but never made itself useful.

--

I spent the morning hauling and disposing of human dental detritus.

Next time: I'm pulling teeth!

Blogger is all kinds of messed up

2006-02-06T00:23:00.000-06:00

I don't know what the hell is wrong with Blogger, because I can get to the direct link of my last post, but for some reason it doesn't show up on my main page (or in my list of posts in my admin). So anyway, here it is, the third installment of my Guatemalan journal. I hope you enjoy it. On second thought, that's kind of silly, let me just repost it here:

1/22/2006

How bizarre - this was semi-posted previously; it could be direct-linked, but never showed up on the main page. This is the third part of my Guatemalan series, transcribed from my travel journal. Click here for parts 1 and 2. -- At the hotel in Chichi, about 1pm Something in this garden smells wonderful - a faint flowery smell I can't quite place. So far today I've wandered around the insanely large market covering most of the town (the largest in Guatemala, I hear), and I've seen another religious procession where the locals carry life-sized figures of saints and set off "bombas" which cause gringos like me to duck and take cover. They also infuse the Catholic traditions with Mayan rites such as burning offerings. The above figure was repeated many times in many places throughout Guatemala, in several different forms. His name is (phonetically) Moshimon, and his legend dates back hundreds of years. I gathered that his duty was as a sort of patron saint of merchants, but I could be mistaken. In the calm shade of the giant avocado and twisted lemon trees, the bustling market seems so far away, though it is only on the other side of that wall. To my left is a steep drop to the lower town we haven't visited yet, and an awe-inspiring vista of mountains and forests. White, puffy clouds salt the clear blue sky, and it feels about 85 degrees in the sun; with shade and a cool breeze, it's just about perfect. These months are considered their summer due to the dryness, but the coolness isn't really surprising considering the altitude, which I'm told is roughly 6500 feet. Well, we're off now to see some Mayan ruins! In my journal, I apparently neglected to describe how interesting the ruins were. Well, not the ruins really - they were just an old rock serving as an altar - but the people at the top. In the photos below, you can see them performing their ancient rites, many of which involve the cardinal directions and burning offerings of sugar, tobacco, and other interesting things (like the two cans of carrots which exploded in the fire, raining fleshy orange bits at our feet). We passed another religious procession on our way back from our hike. This was the lamp in my room. I thought it was funny.

1/21/2006

2006-02-01T21:39:00.000-06:00

This is the second in the series of my Guatemalan adventures. For the previous entry, click here.

So here I am in Chichicastenango, Guatemala. What a terrific first day! The group I'm with is great fun, and they all come from very interesting backgrounds. Dave is a colo-rectal surgeon, Martha is Argentinian and works in pharmaceuticals, Kerbey is a former ER doc now working at Austin State Hospital, and there are many more.

Guatemala is gorgeous, with its ubiquitous verdant, rugged mountains. We spent the day driving about three and a half hours from Guatemala City through winding highways, narrowly avoiding collisions with the barely obedient traffic. The pollution is pretty terrible in the city, with all of the large trucks spewing fumes, but if that can be overlooked, the natural beauty is breathtaking. The people who make a livelihood of farming all the impossibly steep inclines along this countryside are awe-inspiring. I admit a certain sense of embarrassment from gawking like an alien. It's terribly fascinating to me that anyone could thrive in this strange landscape of makeshift shacks with staggeringly beautiful views. My status as an outsider is highlighted every time I photograph someone, or when someone asks me for money or tries to sell me their tragically similar trinkets.

It is especially difficult to say no to the multitudinous children, many of whom are dirty and small, and all of whom are irresistably adorable. I broke down and bought a group of them some peanut M&Ms to share (compartir), which unfortunately led only to more begging.

The town is ancient and dirty, vibrant and intriguing. Two churches, one of the sun and the other of the moon, face each other over the market in the center of town. We observed, as our good fortune would allow, a procession of saints for St. Raymond's day. There were homemade fireworks (bombas; how funny it was to watch all of us gringos flinch and duck!) and musicians in front of the large church of the sun. I look forward to attending mass tomorrow morning, as I am told the people observe a unique blend of ancient Mayan and Catholic traditions. I also look forward to the almost certainly harrowing and overwhelming market day tomorrow. Sunday is the biggest market in Chichi, which happens to be the biggest in Guatemala. And now, after a delicious homemade meal of chicken, rice, beans and native squash, nestled in my Mayan quilts, I will sleep hoping that I am not poisoned by gas (the heater's pilot light is being rather fickle over there).

Next time:

1/18/2006

2006-01-31T17:26:00.000-06:00

As previously mentioned, the next series of blog posts here will be transcribed, more or less, from the journal I kept of my trip to Guatemala, accompanied by photos I took. I will entitle these posts simply with the date of their respective journal entries. -- @ Frank & Joe The Coffee Show (a.k.a. JP's Java) in Austin, TX Here I am again, completely unprepared for a trip I know nothing about. I intend for this to be a journal of my trip to Guatemala with Christian Medical Missions, a way to catalogue my experiences not only for posterity or nostalgia, but for use in future essays, applications or interviews. My life is sure to be full of those for the next... decade? - I don't even want to think about it. I've been coming to this cafe more lately than ever, mostly due to Jerome's dislike of Spider House Cafe (or rather his inability to visit that establishment due to a fib told to a former client), but I've gained a fondness for the place, despite its strange mix of austerity and warmth, and walls hung with terrible art. Strangely, Jerome and I do not sit together, he preferring the cold metal tables, and I the inviting comfort of the oversized, worn leather chairs. The last time I was here (yesterday, though it feels more like the day before due to my recently bizarre sleep schedule), my loose tea came loose of its cup, damaging the top right corner of the front cover of my copy of Glory. I'm disappointed that happened but relieved no further damage occurred. I will recommence that book now, and hopefully it will weave itself into my experiences in Guatemala over the course of the next week. Next time:

Hello, again... hello

2006-01-30T16:21:00.000-06:00

I'm back from Guatemala, and I've brought stories and pictures. I'll be posting both over the course of - um, however long it takes. I'll try to do at least one a day, but I don't know how much tweaking I'll need to do to the notes I've scribbled in my little Moleskine. I also don't know how long it will take to decipher the bumpy code I etched on the mountain bus rides. But to get it started, here's one of my favorite pics from the trip (it's currently my desktop; click to enlarge):

Time flies, and so will I

2006-01-17T04:07:00.000-06:00

Holy crap! I can't believe I'm leaving for Guatemala in less than a week! I should maybe start thinking about packing. I should definitely start thinking about doing laundry. The funny thing is, I don't even really know what I'll be doing there. Well, I know I'm going with a group recommended by my dentist whom I respect a great deal. And I know generally that they provide medical, dental and eye care for the indigenous people there. I just don't know what my role is. But what does it matter?

We've saved some and stabilized others, we've relieved pain and anxiety and improved nutrition and vision, we've educated and been educated, we've given our services to people who could never afford them.

I'm just glad to be a part - however small - of this good work.

Neuroscience Research

2006-01-15T00:09:00.000-06:00

I may get the chance to do very exciting, very interesting work on axon regeneration. I don't want to jinx it, so I'll just say I've got my fingers crossed, and hopefully I'll have more to report soon.

Glory

2006-01-11T00:55:00.000-06:00

I think I'll name my firstborn Vladimir. It's a little bit sick and ridiculous how good this man is at putting words on paper. I began reading Glory today (I picked up an original pressing of the hardbound English edition in a small antique shop in New Mexico for $2), and in the first three chapters, my eyes have conveyed to my brain expressions evoking such a breadth and depth of emotion as to almost feel preternatural in origin. I'm constantly taken aback at a turn of phrase or conceptualization of something otherwise mundane transformed into a thing of pure beauty. And I'm not exaggerating. Even just in the foreward by Nabokov, there are hidden gems like:

My second wand-stroke is this: among the many gifts I showered on Martin, I was careful not to include talent. How easy it would have been to make him an artist, a writer; how hard not to let him be one, while bestowing on him the keen sensitivity that one generally associates with the creative creature; how cruel to prevent him from finding in art - not an "escape" (which is only a cleaner cell on a quieter floor), but relief from the itch of being!

I can't really describe the feeling reading that gave me - if not quite epiphany, then certainly astonishment and deep admiration. It gave me a perspective on art I had never considered. The man's work oozes with this kind of wisdom and subtle cleverness - and this is just the foreward! Here again at the end of the first chapter:

Once upon a time there prowled marvelous beasts in our country. But Sofia found Russian fairy tales clumsy, cruel, and squalid, Russian folksongs inane, and Russian riddles idiotic. She had little faith in Pushkin's famous nanny, and said that the poet himself had invented her, together with her fairy tales, knitting needles and heartache. Thus in early childhood Martin failed to become familiar with something that subsequently, through the prismatic wave of memory, might have added an extra enchantment to his life. However, he had no lack of enchantments, and no cause to regret that it was not the Russian knight-errant Ruslan but Ruslan's occidental brother that had awakened his imagination in childhood. But then what does it matter whence comes the gentle nudge that jars the soul into motion and sets it rolling, doomed never again to stop?

I shudder to imagine never having added this author's enchantment to my life.

Coding again

2006-01-10T06:42:00.000-06:00

It's all the things I remember it to be: frustrating, fun, satisfying, challenging and boring. It's a great hobby, and a good way to make a little extra cash now and then, but I'm glad I didn't stay in the IT field. At least I think I'm glad. I may beg for a nice, quiet life behind a desk here in a few years. I'm going to sleep now, and I just put the music player on my 'sleepytime' mix. For some reason, Bic Runga's Sway and Eisley's I Wasn't Prepared make a great combo. I hadn't heard the former in ages, and I'm not aware that she has anything else worth listening to in her catalog. Eisley of course, is quite the opposite. I was searching for some audio clips to post, but ran across this amazing gem instead: Dial scan of New York’s FM band the night John Lennon died. Enjoy.

Blendor lives!

2006-01-09T10:51:00.000-06:00

My other blog, blendor.com, is back up and running! I ended up using WordPress, which I am actually pretty pleased with. [Aside: is it weird that every time I end a sentence with a preposition, I want to go back and fix it?] The cool thing about the new Blendor is that I've opened registration to anyone, to make it truly a group blog. I'd like to think of it as my own little micro-Metafilter. I also will be maintaining this blog as more of a personal journal. One note: if you posted entries to Blendor previously, I can only attribute those to you if you register again. So check out the new Blendor - and please leave feedback on the look and feel, it really helps.

A novel method for the removal of ear cerumen -- Keegan and Bannister 173 (12): 1496 -- Canadian Medical Association Journal

2006-01-07T23:36:00.000-06:00

A novel method for the removal of ear cerumen -- Keegan and Bannister 173 (12): 1496 -- Canadian Medical Association Journal:

The clinician operator of the device was impressed by the Super Soaker's ease of use for this procedure. Specifically, the ability to control a narrow, mildly pressurized jet of water was considered excellent. As well, the device only had to be refilled once or twice before the cerumen was removed from each ear. This is in contrast to his experience of requiring up to 10 or more refills of standard ear-syringing equipment. Using the Super Soaker in standard practice could then lead to decreased overall time spent on this procedure, resulting in shorter waiting times for patients through increased physician efficiency.

Big photo update

2006-01-06T03:53:00.000-06:00

I've finally updated my photo archive over at Zoto.com. Feel free to browse them any way you like. I've uploaded some new ones, but mostly I've gone back through old photos and uploaded the ones I like. My Featured Photos may be a good place to start, and I've also added some galleries for ease of viewing (although browsing by tag would probably be just as good).

Rose Bowl

2006-01-05T17:01:00.000-06:00

Wow. That was one of the most intense, exciting games I have ever seen. Mr. Royal, too, apparently:

An 81-year-old football lifer who thought he'd seen it all stood outside the Rose Bowl, slowly running his hand through a full head of gray hair and staring into the night sky. "Amazing," Darrell Royal said quietly. "There's just no other word for it. Amazing."

I had the exceptional fortune of being on campus and downtown in Austin last night after the game. It was exuberance en masse. I vaguely recall running down the drag with Nick, horns flying in the air, high-fiving everyone I passed. The streets were flooded with people celebrating or lined up to buy a piece of Longhorn memorabilia. I "woo!"ed so much I lost my voice. I took a bunch of pictures, but they turned out very dark. But check out Mack Brown over there. Hook 'em!

mmmCAT

2005-12-30T20:05:00.000-06:00

I just signed up for Kaplan's MCAT course, and I'm starting to feel a little freaked out about it. April's not very far away, and this should prove to be a busy few months. Besides studying, I will likely be shadowing an internal medicine doc, possibly may shadow a cardiology doc, and hopefully may be working in my neuroscience prof's lab. My Iranian Identities professor graciously agreed to write me a letter of recommendation, and hopefully after working with my neuroscience prof, he may too. Oh, and I will be going on a medical missionary trip in January, and I may shadow an ER doc with Sarvesh in Chicago in May. Unfortunately there are more mays than wills in the preceding sentences. I also would like a source of income, but I'm not sure I'll have time for a job (or even contract work). On a related note, I was informed recently that our male cat (the one that isn't fixed) likes to pour cologne all over himself. I have just witnessed the evidence of this for myself. When picturing this in my mind, I imagined the cat must have been confused upon being doused in a strange, pungent liquid; perhaps he was expecting a cool, refreshing drink. Now ~~seeing~~ smelling him lying there self-satisfied and languid, I am forced to reconsider his motives. I imagine he fancies himself quite the ladies' man, especially in a house with two females and only one other sulky, gelded male. He's shown here being treated like a king by the female he recently impregnated:

Merry Effin' Christmas!

2005-12-29T16:11:00.000-06:00

Gmail Filter tip

2005-12-29T14:12:00.000-06:00

For the uninitiated, Filters in Gmail are useful for all sorts of things, not least of which is sorting your email as it enters your inbox. So anyway, I was setting up some of these filters to label (colored labels are pretty cool) my credit card emails, and I figured it was a little inefficient adding a separate filter for each company. After testing it a bit and realizing that "or" and commas between addresses in the "from" field weren't doing the trick, I went with the javascript way, since gmail is written mostly in that. It worked, and if you're interested in doing the same, here's an example of what you'd put in the from field to filter for multiple addresses:

*@*chase.com || *@*citibank.com || *@*discovercard.com

Similarly, you could also type the following into the search field to find from multiple addresses:

from:(*@*chase.com || *@*citibank.com || *@*discovercard.com)

Patients' Voices in Early 19th Century Virginia

2005-12-26T10:56:00.000-06:00

A fascinating collection:

Gentlemen,
Soon after Dr. Brown left us we ap
-plied the blister which drew remarkably well
But I am sorry to inform you that our little
boy is worse. He appeared to grow worse last night
before supper. His fever rose, he breathed hard, and
complained of pain in his belly, or breast - He has
so continued ever since and I am now much
alarmed at his situation - You will please send
by the bearer such Medicine as you think necessary
you will oblige
yr. ob.t hum: Ser.t
Lau: Battaile

Two Victories

2005-12-20T12:13:00.000-06:00

Two victories today - one over intelligent design, and another over my pre-med curriculum. I heard about the upcoming decision this morning on my way to campus, and I almost wanted to stay in my car and listen to NPR until I heard it, but I knew a couple more hours of studying would probably serve me better. I already was anticipating the oncoming aural assault of conservative talk radio - "Razzle frazzle! Activist judges! Grizzle bizzle!" - which is why this paragraph is so sweet:

Those who disagree with our holding will likely mark it as the product of an activist judge. If so, they will have erred as this is manifestly not an activist Court. Rather, this case came to us as the result of the activism of an ill-informed faction on a school board, aided by a national public interest law firm eager to find a constitutional test case on ID, who in combination drove the Board to adopt an imprudent and ultimately unconstitutional policy. The breathtaking inanity of the Board's decision is evident when considered against the factual backdrop which has now been fully revealed through this trial. The students, parents, and teachers of the Dover Area School District deserved better than to be dragged into this legal maelstrom, with its resulting utter waste of monetary and personal resources.

Haha, awesome.

Oh. My. God.

2005-12-18T23:07:00.000-06:00

I don't know how these people haven't killed themselves doing this. It's seriously insane and amazing. You have to watch it.

--> video.google.com/videop...

(This post was discovered and made using the ever-so-useful Blogger Web Comments Firefox Extension .)

New Gmail Feature

2005-12-13T02:40:00.000-06:00

New Gmail Feature:

View your favorite RSS feeds right in Gmail as “Clips” along the top of your Gmail screen. Display clips from blogs, news sites and other online sources. Pick from the latest headlines, random popular feeds, or add any RSS/Atom feed you want.

You might have noticed this if you use Gmail. It's pretty nifty. But I just noticed a clever little thing the Google guys did - the clips change to Spam recipes when you're viewing your spam folder. Just thought that was funny. OK, I'm going to bed now. Lots of neuroscience to do tomorrow. Mmm mmm, savory Spam crescents!

Finals

2005-12-11T15:39:00.000-06:00

I'll likely be missing over the next few days, due to massive amounts of studying. Which is what I'm off to do right now. See ya.

Richard Pryor

2005-12-10T22:05:00.000-06:00

Pioneering Comedian Richard Pryor Dies:

LOS ANGELES - Richard Pryor, the groundbreaking comedian whose profanely personal insights into race relations and modern life made him one of Hollywood's biggest stars, died of a heart attack Saturday. He was 65.

Much too soon. I remember not being allowed to watch his act when I was a little boy, but I still managed to see The Toy (although I didn't get the "Master Bates" joke until much later), and he was awesome in Superman III. Mr. Pryor (imdb bio) also lived with multiple sclerosis for much of his life. MS is an autoimmune disease in which the myelin that coats neurons in the central nervous system (brain and spinal cord) is destroyed, causing problems with the conduction of electrical signals. Symptoms run the gamut from loss of muscle function to clinical depression. There's no cure yet, only treatments that can slow the advancement of the disease. Here's a good place to send donations and get more information.

Oh, that Calvin

2005-12-09T21:08:00.000-06:00

Courtesy of Mason at FueledByAlcohol.com: See the rest over here.

On being a Google whore

2005-12-08T11:34:00.000-06:00

I now use Gmail, Blogger, Picasa, and Google Reader. I'd say I'm fairly happy with the results. Here's a quick run-down of the pros and cons that I've discovered so far.

Gmail: The best choice of a technology product I've made in ages. When combined with the Firefox extension Gmail Manager, I get up-to-the-minute notification of new email. I've got all of my mail forwarding to my gmail account, and since gmail allows sending from multiple addresses, the whole thing is pretty seamless. Now I can check and send all of my email from one place, from any computer with an internet connection. Oh, and there's also a really nifty Greasemonkey script that makes all 'mailto' links open a gmail composition window. If you're not using Firefox, you really should be.
Blogger: Well, you're looking at it. It's pretty decent blogging software, and though there are a few glitches here and there, I really have nothing major to complain about so far. I like the malleability of the template, and the BlogThis! bookmarklet is pretty convenient, as it allows me to select text on a website and publish it to my blog with a couple of clicks. Another benefit is that it is a widely supported format, so that for example, I can install the del.icio.us Firefox extension which allows me to post links to this blog in a couple of clicks - way more convenient than copying and pasting links, with the added benefit of having everything conveniently tagged. Did I mention you should really be using Firefox?
Picasa: Disappointing functionality, but fantastic interface. For one thing, it should have integrated uploading ability to your photo-sharing website of choice (it does have a convenient BlogThis button, but I discussed previously what makes this mildly undesirable). For another, its labeling system is so far completely incompatible with the tagging systems found on sites like Zoto and Flickr. I want to upload photos from my camera, tag them for organization on my desktop and website, and then upload them to my website, all in a couple of steps. I'm not aware of any one piece of software that does this yet.
Google Reader: The partial answer to my prayers. I wanted a replacement for Thunderbird that could read and remember my RSS feeds, no matter where I logged in, and I wanted a snazzy AJAXy interface. Google must have read my mind. It's still a young product, so I won't complain too much about the little things. I would like some sort options, or perhaps an interface that shows the list of all feeds with a "(unread number)" to the side. Also, for some reason Pharyngula's feed keeps reposting several duplicates, and they haven't implemented any way to read secure feeds yet, nor have they integrated the Reader into the Personalized Home Page. These idiosyncrasies notwithstanding, it's a terrific news reader.

One thing I'd like to see Google get in on? The online photo-sharing business. Do like Yahoo! and snag yourself a Flickr, Google (preferably Zoto, so I don't have to migrate). Then integrate everything and send me a t-shirt and baseball cap.

Something of my own

2005-12-08T03:28:00.000-06:00

School stresses me out. I watch TV to alleviate stress. Time is eaten away. All of these things sap my creativity. Sometimes I have to sit down and force myself to think and write. It's been a while, and this was written as abruptly as it was aborted, so it's probably terrible. Apologies in advance. i went fishing today and that big lake was cold. i cast my line so far couldn't see where it hit. felt tension on the line - like every other time - except this time it was just the weight of distance. and suddenly the reel was tethered to my chest. and as i was dragged down, the bitterness washed off. exquisite, enduring pressure grew but was numbed by the frigid depths i shared with broken driftwood. and somewhere my target, elusive and luring, danced among the shipwrecks a million miles away.

Forugh Farrokhzad, 1935-1967

2005-12-07T17:54:00.000-06:00

"I will greet the sun again; I will greet the streams that flowed in me, the clouds that floated as my thoughts, the poplars trees that grew in my arid years, the flocks of crows which brought me as a gift the earthy scents of midnight fields; I will greet again my mother (who lived in the mirror and was the image of my old age); I will greet again the earth whose fertile womb contains the seeds of passion to return me to life. I will come, I will return I will come again and this time my hair will smell of the soil; and my eyes will be filled with the knowledge of the darkness; I will come again carrying the branches I have gathered in the woodlands behind the wall. I will come, I will return, I will come again, and the entrance will be filled once more with love; as I will greet all those who are in bloom and the child who stands in the doorway lit up by all that love. " -Forugh Farrokhzad [warning: flash intro with sound] (Translation courtesy of http://antolak.myblogsite.com/blog/_archives/2005/9/23/1251431.html)

CNN.com - Some megachurches closing on Christmas

2005-12-07T17:08:00.000-06:00

CNN.com - Some megachurches closing on Christmas:

Even though the holiday falls this year on a Sunday, when churches normally host thousands for worship, pastors are canceling services, anticipating low attendance on what they call a family day.

So I guess seculars don't really need to wage a war on Christmas; with fundies demanding the commercialization of the holy day and apparently not too concerned with even worshipping on that day, they're doing a pretty good job of it themselves.

The US backed the invasion of East Timor | MetaFilter

2005-12-04T12:19:00.000-06:00

The US backed the invasion of East Timor | MetaFilter:

Newly declassified US documents show that the US government knew well in advance about the invasion plans of Indonesia into East Timor. Once in East Timor, Indonesian forces committed a mass genocide of the local population - anywhere from 100,000 to 250,000 people, which was only 600,000 to begin with according to Wikipedia. As the first link shows, The US government actively suppressed news stories from getting out about the genocide. This isn't exactly news to Those who followed the invasion, But most people are unaware of the US government's support, perhaps the number of Newspapers covering the story according to GoogleNews can go some way to explain why many are unaware of this fact.

DB’s Medical Rants - On doctoring

2005-12-03T23:40:00.000-06:00

DB should be directing the AAMC:

First, we should change the premed curriculum. For too long we have emphasized courses which do not have great relevance to being a physician. The reliance on organic chemistry is absolutely idiotic.

That's what I was thinking the entire time I was learning it, but I thought I was just lacking some sort of hindsight or wisdom or something. Turns out, I could have been right. He continues:

Second, we should change our admission criteria. Many schools do consider students who have a broader background. I love having students who majored in English, or Philosophy.

I almost wish I had been a lit or philosophy major instead of business. I always had a great inclination towards the liberal arts, but chose business for practical reasons ("liberal arts majors don't get jobs"). Now that I'm back taking my premeds, I wonder if a more enriching intellectual experience would have served me better than the more, um... visceral exercise that was business school. It was a unique and valuable experience in itself, but probably not one I would have chosen if I had known the competing value of liberal arts.

Perk up that memory with some caffeine

2005-12-02T17:07:00.000-06:00

Perk up that memory with some caffeine: "It seems brain scans confirm what coffee drinkers already know - that caffeine gives the brain a boost. Austrian researchers say the scans show that caffeine found in coffee, tea, soft drinks and chocolate stimulates areas of the brain governing short-term memory and attention. Apparently functional magnetic resonance imaging scans performed on the brains of 15 subjects who had just consumed caffeine equal to that found in two cups of coffee, showed increased activity in the frontal lobe where the working memory is located, and in the anterior cingulum that controls attention." I think I'm going to up my caffeine intake.

Mmm... sacrelicious

2005-12-02T11:09:00.000-06:00

I mostly wanted to test out Picasa (which seems pretty awesome so far), but this is also a funny picture that I thought should be shared. Edit: Hmm, I don't really care for the little Picasa logo it tacks on the end when I use the BlogThis function from inside the software. I also think I'd rather have the photo linking to my zoto page. But Picasa still seems pretty handy for sorting the photos on my computer, and it has a really nice interface. I was having trouble finding some pictures (which are currently only sorted by date) last night, so with a little labelling, this should do the trick.

Cosmetic Surgery

2005-12-02T01:43:00.000-06:00

I made a few changes to the appearance around here. I'd love to hear what you think, or if something's wonky in your browser.

Muhammad Ali vs. George Bush

2005-11-30T22:36:00.000-06:00

The old fighter still has some fight in him. When awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Ali (not me, the other one) looked the President in the eye and gave him the crazy twirl: Daniel Pipes of FrontPageMag.com laments (emphasis mine):

Awarding of the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Muhammad Ali gratuitously celebrated a man profoundly opposed to Bush'’s own, his party's, and the country's principles. It represents, I submit, the nadir of his presidency.

I would remind Daniel that when a presidency begins to flatline, it no longer can be said to have a nadir. Besides that, he should be taught one of this country's most important principles - freedom of expression. Muhammad Ali's integrity, strength and spirit are more worthy of recognition than all of last year's recipients combined. Among intelligence failures, failures in planning for post-invasion Iraq, complete mismanagement of a country, and downright dangerous groupthink, there's something those previous winners do not share with Ali - the strength of character to look a powerful man in the eyes and tell him he's wrong. I hope he throws this medal in the river, too.

Study finds insulin-Alzheimer's connection

2005-11-30T11:55:00.000-06:00

This is pretty interesting:

"Insulin disappears early and dramatically in Alzheimer's disease," senior researcher Suzanne M. de la Monte, a neuropathologist at Rhode Island Hospital and a professor of pathology at Brown University Medical School, said in a prepared statement.

"And many of the unexplained features of Alzheimer's, such as cell death and tangles in the brain, appear to be linked to abnormalities in insulin signaling. This demonstrates that the disease is most likely a neuroendocrine disorder, or another type of diabetes," she added.

Hopefully this will open up new avenues of treatment.

Eye candy

2005-11-29T22:37:00.000-06:00

Don't put candy in your eye. It's dangerous.

Welcome!

2005-11-29T21:22:00.000-06:00

I've scrapped the miniblendor thing, since this is likely to be a fairly long-term endeavor. I figured it should have its own name, and I wanted to register with my regular google login to avoid confusion. I'm easily confused. I want you to enjoy this blog as if it was my own. Blendor.com will be back in the future, likely with an updated look, better functionality, and maybe even open registration - a public group blog. Oh yes, and the photo's source, for those curious.